Free trial – online scam

Carole (who thought she was pretty computer savvy) is furious to think she has been scammed by a “free trial” of teeth whitening product. Finds out that instead of just paying p+p for a trial sample, I’ve somehow committed myself to getting products every month at cost of over £55. This is being charged to my credit card without my permission and I have no way of contacting the company as they keep changing their details etc. Only contact phone number is in America and when you ring it’s just an answerphone with useless info. Then to cap it all finds my credit card number has been passed to two other “associated” companies that I have supposedly joined ! Now getting billed for Efit.com that I’ve never even heard of ! Jesus – how do I stop this? All I can do is warn others not to fall for it like I have. Please don’t be tempted …

Poo photos

It took me ages to find a copy of the Bristol Stool Chart – which has drawings of the shapes & consistency of normal poo. When I “searched” the internet for it, I got Queen Anne leg stools, oak stools, three legged stools – but not the stools I was looking for !  Eventually I found one and use it every day at work.

Anyway, I decided to look for some photos of poo, but still haven’t managed to find anything half decent. Doing a colonic one day and recalling this problem to a lovely lady, she volunteered to photograph her poo every day for a week. I didn’t ask questions, but judging by the pictures she produced I believe she did her “jobby” in a chinese takeaway container. Bless her…

Only problem was, every picture was of a similar  poo. She always did the same type.

Now what I need is type 1 – rabbit pellets; type 2 – pellets stuck together in a cluster;  type 3 – big hard solid log;  type 4 – nice big formed but soft sausage, and so on.  Are you getting the picture – ha ha ?

No dolly birds here…

Clients often comment on how ‘down to earth’ I am. I think it helps to relax them, because they realise that I’m just the same as them! Being mature and overweight myself, there is no way I’m going to strip off in front of a size 8, perma-tanned, 18 year old goddess of a therapist without so much as a single stretch mark on her washboard flat tummy.

Many times I’ve heard “please don’t take offence, but I’m so glad you’re not a dolly bird.” And of course, I don’t take offence – not in the slightest. I like that I make women comfy. It’s time we relaxed a bit about our bodies !

Not exactly painless, but…

A lady decided to give the old Brazilian waxing a try for the first time tonight - and couldn’t believe how much it DIDN’T hurt! Everyone expects it to be torture. To be honest, it makes you wince a couple of times but really that’s it ! Trust me….

Weight loss…

Did a colonic on lady client a few days ago and when I saw her today when she informed me that according to the scales at Slimming World that same evening she had lost 3lbs  !

Cigarettes…?

I’ve never smoked, so it always amuses me when someone tells me that “the first ciggie of the morning” makes them go straight to the toilet !

Age differences…

A lady phoned up and asked if I could do children. I explained that with parental consent, yes, I could. During the following conversation she told me that her son was just 11 months old! Of course, I then told her that I wouldn’t be able to help, as much as I would have liked to. How desperate was that mother to consider colonic irrigation?

Up until now, my youngest client was just 12 when she came to see me. Poor girl was given Movicol on prescription, which simply gives a bit of relief from constipation, but actually masks the underlying problem.  After two treatments I received a Thank You card in which she’d written in big scrawly writing that she “does three poos a day” and proceeded to draw three sausagy shapes and coloured them in brown felt tip! I’m hoping that by catching this early enough, she has been spared a lifetime of problems going to the toilet!

My eldest client, was 92. When I asked why he felt he needed a colonic, he said he “got tired.” I replied “at 92, you’re entitled to get tired!”

Vegetable poo…

When someone has had years of constipation, it is quite possible that the first treatment is disappointing as not a lot of poo comes out. One lady produced just clear water for ages and then suddenly the tube filled up with pieces of brightly coloured vegetable! We got none of the faeces which was stuck to the bowel wall, but did manage to shift the previous nights meal – most of which hadn’t been chewed, just swallowed … I liken it to the conveyor belt on the Generation Game !

A posh client …

One, rather posh, lady came along soon after I’d qualified and having completed the consultation part of the first treatment, she asked “where’s the pool?” I said “what pool” and she replied “you’re going to put me in a pool and massage me, aren’t you?” When I explained what the colonic involved she looked a little shaken, but to give her credit, she gave it a try… despite the fact that she obviously hadn’t got a clue and probably only booked because (posh people have colonics). She didn’t like the treatment and needless to say hasn’t returned, so I think she’ll be sticking to manicures and facials !

The old me

This blog is about the steps and changes I’ve made to improve my health and eliminate the annoying symptoms I’ve suffered from over the years. Stories of my clients efforts to change and also highlights of their colonic treatments will also be included.

Despite my best efforts (and goodness knows how much money) trying every diet plan, programme and pill known to mankind, for years I have been overweight. I can still be prone to constipation and in the past water retention has been an issue, I had arthritis type aches in my hips and knees and I was always sniffing because my sinuses were blocked or my nose was running.  My eyes used to itch and water a lot and there seemed to be no obvious cause. It didn’t appear to be related to animals, hay, dust or flowers, but even so I have changed my pillows and duvet for hypoallergenic, I put on a mattress protector to prevent mites, I use toiletries for sensitive skin and so on… 

Until I started looking after myself, by changing my diet and having twice yearly colonics, I had been on prescription laxatives and had to take anti-histamines and a nasal spray, just to get through each day. The doctors said I had “perennial rhinitis” which is sort of hay-fever symptoms all year round. Apparently it wasn’t worth doing an allergy test, so they gave me the drugs above to treat the symptoms instead of trying to get to the cause of WHY I reacted in that fashion. I never take laxatives now as my maintenance colonics have improved that particular situation immensely, but because I haven’t totally addressed my food sensitivity, I can still have the dodgy nose which produces much more mucous than normal and makes me sneeze & sniff and generally feel miserable.

I have read more books since I started my new career than I’ve read since adolescence. Books about general health, the bowel, diseases and cancer, prescription medications and natural remedies, and as I read through a selection of food allergy books, I found out that most of my symptoms are very definitely rooted in this area.  What a revelation! This confirmed what I learned at Coveyheugh when these foods were excluded. A real cause. And at last – a real chance to sort it out.

So if you have read this far, stick with me to hear some lovely and funny stories about special treatments and some very special clients that I’ve come across in the years that I’ve been practicing. Enthuse with me when we have exciting and interesting colonics – yep I find them all quite exciting. Encourage me to be good and eliminate the food I know causes me problems, but empathise with me when I give in and am tempted by something naughty. Have a heart, be gentle with me – I’m only human after all.

Maybe you recognise something of yourself in what you’ve already read above or will read below. Perhaps you’re going through the same thing, the certain knowledge that “something” is giving you real grief.  Who knows, perhaps you might find an answer on this site ?